


Too close (and I'm not okay)

by calie15



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anger, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 23:45:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1666865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calie15/pseuds/calie15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma comes within inches of death twice and Bucky is not okay with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too close (and I'm not okay)

Jemma ran, because that's what she'd been told to do.

"Freeze."

She hadn't ran fast enough. 

"Drop the weapon."

Slowly, she opened her hand and let the gun clatter to the ground. 

"Turn around."

With a shaky breath she complied and found herself face to face with three large, fit men. All with weapons pointed at her. Why did she even sign up for this?

"You're with SHIELD aren't you?" He asked, accent thick and cocked the gun.

Panic prevented her from moving. But moving wasn't even necessary. Three shots broke the quiet and Jemma stared in shock as each man jerked with the movement. Death was immediate and they collapsed to the ground. She spun around and looked up just in time to see a black figure jump from a roof three stories high. Jemma inhaled sharply, taken back by the physical feat even if she should have been used to it. She licked her lips as he advanced on her. It was slightly embarrassing that she actually like this side of Bucky Barnes.

"I thought you were told to run," he reprimanded, his voice slightly harder then usual.

Jemma momentarily forgot the effect he was having on her and frowned at his words. "Does it look like I was walking?"

"And if I wasn't-."

Jemma was ready to argue, but he grabbed her head with his left hand and crushed it to his chest, yanking her to the side. It wasn't until her face was buried against leather did she realize a bullet had been fired. Jemma winced and watched as he raised his right arm and aimed, firing off two shots. Then there was silence. Slowly, his hand released her head.

"Let's go."

As he pulled her to safety Jemma didn't say a word. When they got back to the bus she kept her silence, because he didn't say anything, he didn't even look at her.

Jemma knew by now when to leave him alone to work out his own demons. So she went to shower and wash the dirt and sweat from her body. By the time she'd dressed they were in the air and she went in search of him. It didn't take long to find him.

He sat in the lab with Fitz who was hard at work on Bucky's arm. "What happened?"

"Just a scratch. Nothing that can't be fixed. Your night in shining armor is less then forthcoming, but it appears to have been a bullet."

Jemma swallowed and sat as Fitz work. She tried to make herself busy checking messages and search results, surveying the status of some tests, but it was impossible. "Fitz, can we have a minute." She said suddenly. Her old friend looked up, then back at Bucky, as if he was suddenly realizing something was wrong.

"Sure."

As the door closed behind him Jemma came to stand in front of Bucky. "I'm sorry okay? I don't understand why you're mad. I ran Bucky, as fast as I could." He met her eyes with cool detachment. "Fine," she said, attempting for the word to sound harsh, but she knew she had failed at it. When she turned reluctantly to leave he grabbed her arm and pulled her around. She refused to meet his eyes. 

"One second to late and that bullet would have been in your head."

Jemma swallowed and refused to look at him still. His hand had been on her head and he'd turned to save her. The bullet had grazed his arm instead. She stared at the spot that Fitz had been working on. Regardless of what was troubling him she looked up. "You can't blame me. I know you're angry, but-."

"I'm angry at how close it was. Twice. I'm angry because it I had been to slow either of those times you'd be dead." He looked at her, face still void of emotion, then suddenly he sighed and his body seemed to relax. 

When Bucky pulled her forward and grasped her hip to drag them against him she didn't put up a fight. Near brushes with death take the fight out of a person. An arm wrapped tightly around her waist and she sighed in response, grateful that he was back to normal. Relieved and exhausted she laid her head against his chest. "I'm sorry," she said again, this time her voice cracking with emotion. She desperately needed sleep.

"It's not your fault," he whispered against her hair. "I was scared. I took it out on you."

His admission only served to upset her more. Jemma swallowed past a lump in her throat, refusing to cry. Instead she slid her arms up and around his neck and sighed. His hand, his right hand, slid into her hair. Fingers tugged gently at the strands and his hand guided her head so that she faced him. When his lips pressed against hers, she returned the kiss, even if it was a bit weakly. When they broke apart his forehead was pressed against her own and he stared down at her with all of the emotion he had been hiding from her.

"You don't get to die on me," Bucky said, his voice slightly strained as he spoke. "This was to close."

Jemma nodded and squeezed her eyes shut, fighting the tears. It was to close. It was always to close. Fear of death was only compounded by Bucky's on fear. It hurt her even more to realize how much losing her troubled him.

"Oh! Sorry."

Jemma pulled away reluctantly and took in a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. "No, Fitz, it's fine. Why don't we finish this up."

Most of the work was completed in silence. She was tired, but it calmed her, and after all, it was Bucky.

Even after the bus landed and they returned to her place neither of them really spoke. Bucky showered and Jemma crawled drowsily into bed, dozing off before he'd even turned off the water.

She woke to the feel of him behind her. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back against his chest and into his larger, warm body. She sighed, content at first. Then Bucky's arm tightened and he released a stuttered breath against her neck, and then another. When he pressed his face into her neck she could feel his chest begin to rise and fall quickly and his hand fist against her stomach. The shirt she wore pulled as he clenched it. 

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Jemma never thought it would be like this. It wasn't right. It wasn't right for Bucky that he was so emotionally scarred and struggled with his own emotions, his own fear.

Jemma turned awkwardly in his tight embrace. He stared at her in the darkness, pain and sorrow clear on his face. Bucky had lost so much already, but she never would have imagined he would have been so distraught over losing her. "Everything is okay," she said, breaking the silence. She slid a hand over his arm and shoulder and finally brought it to his cheek.

"You know I don't believe that," he responded and watched her with a slightly distraught expression.

Jemma nodded and didn't argue. Maybe the next day or the day after she would argue, but just hours ago she had been shot at, there would be no settling him. She leaned into his body to press a kiss to his lips and settled against him. Jemma quickly drifted off to sleep, but one of her last thoughts was that she knew he would lie awake for hours before also succumbing to sleep.


End file.
